Sunday World Pub Spy

Mahogany Fittings Create Glassy Look, Sunday World, May 7th, 2000

It was a grey dull evening in Portlaoise. On this occasion Pub Spy and his commandoes were heading down south and we pulled into the Laois town to rest our weary bones and quench one almighty thirst. We strolled through the cobblestone street and as it narrowed we noticed a few pubs, but the one that stood out was Grellan Delaney & Sons. "This one will do," I announced, and before I had the sentence finished the Commandoes were gone.

We were impressed from the very first glance. Pub Spy has never seen as much mahogany in his entire career. Fitting out this premises must have left a fair gap in the American tropics, I thought! Pub Spy is always curious about names. And this one had him confused. Delaney, n, Grellan? Yes. Who was Grellan? Was he Delaney's partner? One way to find out was to be blunt and ask that very attractive barmaid that served us up pints of Guinness at £2.30 a time. "No, Grellan is not a partner, Grellan is Mr. Delaney's first name. And where does he come from or what does it mean? The girl hadn't a clue...

This premises, or at least the section we frequented was well laid out. The magnificent mahogany counter is divided into sections with stained glass partitions set in mahogany frames. We were particularly made about the rectangular and round tables which are a permanent fixture in the centre of this lounge, and we couldn't take our eyes off the solid fuel stove that must add to the atmosphere on a cold chilly evening.

The seating was comfortable, the counter top was spotless and when we answered nature's call we were surprised, firstly at the sheer size of the men's loo, and secondly at the standard of the hygiene. Everything was in place. Liquid soap dispensers, a hand dryer that worked, hot and cold water, clean cubicle with paper and a clean solid toilet seat compete with cubicle lock. The vending machines offered mints for a £1 a go or condoms for £2 depending on your taste or frame of mind!

Back in the lounge some of the Commandoes were watching TV, while a couple of them had struck up conversations with the locals. Before departing we also took note of the cleanliness of the carpet, the walls and the table tops.

"This is a really first-class pub. We should really check it out," quipped one of the Commandoes, hoping that I'd grant him an extension. "I have it all checked out while you were guzzling pints," I told him, ordering all and sundry to load up and leave town. If we have occasion to stop off at Portlaoise again, we will certainly stop off at this premises.